Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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