jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
