thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Randomize
