I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
