so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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