about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
