i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
My penis needs a shock collar
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
