So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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