I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
