She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
