Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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