he looks like a really good dad on facebook
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
