went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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