i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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