hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
false alarm, still single
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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