You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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