I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
