I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
