is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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