Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
