Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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