The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
