Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
