i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
