My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
