..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I cockslap morals
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Randomize
