It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
