I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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