how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
