Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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