i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
