Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
