I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
