I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
