He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
