I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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