we have pet lesbian snakes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
