So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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