I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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