I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
