Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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