I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize