That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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