Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
