im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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