i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
