I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
