why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
