I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
i out mim tonsoeep
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