??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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