Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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